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  • September 2011
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Did You Say Marriage?

What a wonderful gift marriage is.  It is so disheartening to see so many marriages fail in this world.  I have been married twice.  With my first marriage I was young, 16 to be exact.  To this day I still feel that I was in love with him.  However, I don’t think he was ever in love with me.  The marriage lasted 4 years with a lot of heartache and pain.  I swore off marriage after that.  All I could think was, “If that’s what it’s like to be married, then forget it!” Then I met Joe.  When we met, all I wanted to do was date.  I had no intentions of getting serious with anyone. We have now been married for 18 years.  This man knew what it meant to be married and he has worked hard at it each and every day.  I thank him for that.

My man is a O.T.R. (Over-The Road) driver.  You know the guys who drive those big semi-trucks that everyone I hear complains about.  I get asked a lot, how I do it.  You know, how can I do everything and not have him home all the time.  These people who have asked seem like it must be the worse thing in the world.  And I would be lying if I said that it is a breeze.  There have been times that it has been hard.  When he went to driving school, before we had cell phones (yes, I’m aging myself) he was gone for 3 months and I was home with 2 little kids.  There were also times that something fun or exciting would be happening that he was unable to be a part of.  And it has been difficult financially at times when he would get a stretch where there were little to no loads to drive. But when really big things would happen like Christmas, birth of our children, birthdays, etc., he was always there for as long as he needed to be.

People have told me that they didn’t know if they could trust their husbands being gone for so long and hanging with others that, well…I’ll be nice and say aren’t the kind of people you would want to bring home to meet the parents. (Which I would like to point out that they are a small group of people who give others a bad reputation.  You know the saying, one bad apple can ruin the whole bunch.) The fact that they can say out loud that they can’t trust their husbands, just shows, me at least, that their marriage isn’t as good as one might otherwise had thought.  I will grant you that trust is a major key to any marriage.  But did they stop to think that he also had to trust me?  I have heard of other marriages breaking up because it was the wife stepping out.  Supposedly from boredom or something.  I have plenty of things to do, not only keep me busy but also content. My husband should be able to trust me in every aspect of life.

Now as far as him being home all the time.  Well, I really have a hard time with that.  You see over the years, I have got into my way of running the house.  There have been times that he has been home for an extended period of time.  We tend to get on each others nerves a bit.  Most of it is my fault, because I don’t like to let go of how and when thing get done. (Control Freak!)  He is usually out for about 7- 14 days.  He tries his best to get home every weekend.  But If his last load for the week is in Texas and we’re in Ohio, then sorry, he can’t and we deal .  But when does get home, we have such an appreciation for each other.  We both work hard and the other knows it.  Although I believe he works much harder than I do these days.  We now have 4 kids, that aren’t little anymore.  They are able to take more care of themselves.  I can also delegate the chores that need to be done.  Joe, on the other hand, has to find things to do to keep himself sane.  Have you ever driven hundreds of miles in one day all by yourself then get up the next day to do it all over again?  Drivers have to do that all the time.  He also is having to deal with his MS all day by himself. He has his tremor, aches and pains all over, feeling really, really down, feeling really, really, up. Now I will say that we now have those handy-dandy cell phones and we talk to each other every day.  Sometimes multiple times a day.  So we are now able to keep up with each other’s day-to-day lives, vent, and support one another.  Instead of wearing our self out by telling each other absolutely everything on the first day he is home.  Which, I might add, we use to do.  I also think that with him having MS, it has strengthened our marriage even more.  That may sound funny or odd, but it’s true.

Marriage takes time to develop into something that is just wonderful.  It doesn’t just happen right after you say the I do’s.  It takes a lot of hard work from both sides and time. I don’t like the term, marriage is 50/50.   Marriage isn’t 50/50.  It’s 100/100.  You shouldn’t give only half and expect everything else to land on the other. Being prepared for one another is a major key also.  Which is why dating for an extended period of time should be advised.    I marvel at all the marriages that have lasted 50 years and up.  They show great commitment to one another.  You are swearing an oath that will not only be heard by friends and family but to your spouse and more importantly to God.  An oath stating that no matter what, you will do your best and stay with that person.  A lesson that I try to teach my kids is, if you don’t mean it, then don’t say it.  Only say what you mean.  To which even adults sometimes don’t do.  Have you ever heard, “I didn’t mean it that way”?  Again, say what you mean.  We should all remember that everything you say at every single moment of every single day is being recorded in heaven.  At the time we are judged, we will be accounted for it.  Matthew 12:36  “But I say to you that for every idle word men speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.”

So I say, bring it on!  Turmoil and trouble can come our way.  Questions and unstable thoughts may be asked. But it will never separate me and my man.  We hold on to each other even tighter.  We understand that without the other that there is no way to get through it.  Besides, I just love holding hands.  And I’ll use any reason to do so.

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4 Responses

  1. Really enjoyed reading your post. I’m sorry to hear that your husband has MS, I’m sure that is very difficult to contend with. It’s also commendable that he is out there still earning a living for his family!

    Have a blessed week

  2. Beautiful post on what marriage really is. After one divorce (young and husband was excessively abusive) and sadly, widowed twice, I never planned to marry again. But God stepped in and introduced me to Bill. He whisked me away to Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe Africa. We were married there, and have just celebrated our 9th anniversary, and counting! Always happy to hear of committed marriages. My parent will celebrate their 60th this November.

  3. I am so glad you enjoyed reading the post. Yes, it can be difficult at times. But it strengthens our relationship.

  4. Congratulation on your anniversary! I find it so cool how God places people in our lives just at the right time and place.

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