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  • January 2013
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From Mother To Mom

The other day while I was looking around the net, there was a comment left on a site asking for advice for a mom who wanted to go off and do what she wanted to do in life.  This was her first child and she claims that she knows the importance on staying at home with her child but she wanted “me” time and was really asking for permission to go to work and do what she wanted to do.  She was feeling guilty and wanted the ok from someone so that she could justify it to herself. All I could do was just sit there stunned at the thought of her putting her child on the back burner and placing herself of higher priority.

Unfortunately, this happens all the time.  Woman thinks she wants a husband, woman gets her husband.  Woman thinks she wants a baby or two, woman gets a baby or two.  Woman thinks she wants a job, woman gets a job.  Woman doesn’t understand that “her time” is gone from the moment she said the ” I do’s”.  She has then committed to sharing her life with her husband.  She has then committed to sharing her life with her baby.  If the woman had taken the time to find out what she really wanted in her life in the first place then these three or more lives wouldn’t have to live without her.

When we (men and women) don’t find what makes us happy on our own first, then they will never  be happy, or have the ability to make others happy.  People are too willing to rush through life trying this trying that to find their inner happiness.  They are just grabbing at every idea that comes to them instead of really looking for themselves.  I know women who work outside of the house.  They trust other people, people that they really don’t know, to take care of their children.  I thought that was called parenting, now a days it’s called daycare, childcare, babysitters, nannies, or live-ins.  All the while the true parents tell themselves that if they didn’t work then they couldn’t live.  What a load of CRAP.  We live and have lived on one income for over 16 years.  Is it tough; yes.  I’d be a liar if I said that life has been a bed of roses.  We’ve had a lot of up’s and down’s financially over the years.  But through out it all we have had to trust on only God to see us get back up.  Our kids do not get everything that they think that they should have.  Joe and I do not get everything that we think we should or want to have.  But when we look around at what we do have we are so grateful.  We all have learned to appreciate these things and each other more and more.  When I was younger and I had our first child, I just kept saying that at least I became a mother.  Now that I am a little older, I can say, at least I became a mom.  There is a difference.  I wonder what I will be able to say in the years to come.  I pray that my commitment to this role in my life only becomes stronger and stronger.


2 Responses

  1. Circumstances are not always by choice, or through the fault of one or the other spouse. Jobs, good paying jobs are hard to find and keep with so many industries downsizing. Our family was hit hard when the logging industry went down and my husband lost his job. Even with re-training it was tough to find a good paying job. It didn’t happen for us. At least I only had to work part time and that minimized the amount of time our daughter spent at the babysitter. (Balanced that out with how much we’d actually make with both jobs.) We didn’t have a choice. Never wanted to work, never wanted a career. You were lucky to have been able to stay home, and still manage to buy food and clothing. We couldn’t. No fancy house, big vacations or new cars. Small house, little mortgage and old cars. But we had food, clothing, and a lot of love.

  2. I don’t believe in luck, so I don’t think luck had nothing to do with me staying at home. This was something Joe and I had decided when we first got married. And after Joey was born I did go back to work for about 10 months. I just about died thinking about all the things I was missing. Joe however has from time to time worked two jobs at once in order to see us through. I don’t claim that it is easy in any shape or form. I just believe it is necessary. We have taken one family vacation in our almost 20 years of marriage, we rent, lost our house, and our van that we purchase at a buy here pay here, is about 14 years old. This post was not a personal attack on you. I am sorry that you took it that way. This was to show how the world as a whole pats young girls on the head and say there, there it ok. You don’t really have to follow “them”, come with us. It was also to express how much God has allow me to grow from a mother to a mom. It is not my place or anyone’s for that matter to judge you on what you thought had to be done in your life at that time that you did it. I am trying to get to the ones who are on the verge of it now, to look a little harder at their lives.

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