Listening

I have been losing my hearing in my left ear.  I found out a little over 14 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter.   For months during my pregnancy I was getting the worse pain.  I started in the ear and slowly crept down the side of my neck.   I was still fairly young, and after having such a hard pregnancy with my son, I told my OBGYN every little and not so little ache and pain I had.  I’m sure that he dreaded when I would come in for a visit.  He recommended that I see an ENT (Ears, Nose, Throat) doctor.  I had thought that maybe I had a build-up of wax that was putting pressure on the ear drum since I had that problem when I was younger and was told that it could happen again.

The doctor was nice enough.  He made sure that he looked in my ear at every angle.  I thought by the end of it my ear would have been 3 sizes bigger than when I first came in, due to all the pulling and tugging he was doing.  He did see a small amount of build-up and agreed that it needed to be flushed out.  But he had said that it was not any reason for the pain I was experiencing.  He then decided to do a hearing test.  I was so shocked at the results.  I had lost 10 percent of my hearing.  The straining that my ear was having to do, was the cause of the pain.  I was a little freaked out.  I was only 26 years old.  I couldn’t understand why it was that I was losing my hearing.  Especially since it was in one ear and not both.  After I had my daughter the pain started to go away.  Quite honestly, I think I just got use to the pain so much that I didn’t notice it.

Over the years I have had to be careful of cold air touching my ear.  The slightest little chilled breeze would send  knife gripping pain throughout the whole side of my head.  I also have to watch that I don’t get water in my ear.  Other than that it hasn’t really been a bother……until recently.

You see, I have 3 teens and 1 pre-teen.  So for anyone to be able to understand what it is that they are saying is a feat in itself.  But when they are standing right in front of me and I still can’t hear them after I have repeatedly asked “What?”, then you know that there is a problem.  For the longest time no one really believed that I had a problem.  I could hear the kids in another room being up to no good and someone would ask, “How could you hear that?”  All moms know how and when to use their radar.  Plus my right ear was trying it’s best to compensate for the left.

I think if I had a choice of losing any of my senses my hearing would be the one I would pick.  However, I think that I would want a different sense if it meant losing my spiritual hearing.  To hear God speaking to me is such a wonderful gift that I would easily give something up in its place.  I do not need to see God to know He is with me.  I do not need to touch God to feel His presence.  I do not need to smell God to know that His glory is around me.  I do not need to taste God to have my stomach filled of Him.  Although to have those senses are also great gifts, the thought of not being able to hear Him would break me.  I can hear Him in the lives of my family.  I can hear Him in wind.  I can hear Him in the laughter of children.  I can hear Him in the cries of His people.  I can hear Him in the stories I read.  I can hear Him when I pray.  We must all make sure that we listen with our spirits so that we aren’t yelling WHAT!?! , when God speaks.  For the meaning of His words are still being understood.  And they are meant to be spoken.  If we were to close our spiritual ears, we would fail to get closer to God, to understand His love for us and others, to keep Him with us always.  For the greatest gift I have is in hearing Him say, “I love you child.”  Are you listening to Him when He speaks to you?